A Menu To Pair With Your Republican Presidential Debate Drinking Game
Tonight’s a big night for American politics. Not only is it the last night of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but it’s also the first of many debates for the Republican Party presidential nomination. While the folks at Rolling Stone have assembled an official drinking game for tonight’s two-tiered brouhaha, we’ve assembled a series of amuse-bouches to pair with your candidate of choice (so long as it’s made in America, 'natch.)
What's at the Adult Table
THE "DONALD TRUMP": In honor of the richest, classiest candidate we present a gold-plated GMO ear of corn. This mouth-watering app is perfect for Monsanto fans as well. You don't want those other losers are ordering anyway.
THE "JEB BUSH": A six-pack of Busch beer.
THE "SCOTT WALKER": A giant plate of deep-fried cheese curds accompanied by a Wisconsin summer sausage. We should mention that you can't purchase the "Scott Walker" with food stamps.
THE "TED CRUZ": Poutine. Y'all know he's Canadian right?
THE "BEN CARSON": Detroit’s own gets a “Coney Dog.” That’s an all-beef frank in a steamed bun, served with a mound of beef chili, diced onions and a yellow mustard topping.
THE "MIKE HUCKABEE": A slice of "possum pie." Just make sure it's been cooled once it's been pulled from the oven.
THE "MARCO RUBIO": A tall drink of water.
THE "RAND PAUL": Anything you can purchase at Whole Foods.
THE "JOHN KASICH": "Cincinnati chili,” this American nightmare is a Mediterranean-spiced meat sauce served on spaghetti.
THE "CHRIS CHRISTIE": Why choose to eat one dish, when you can have everything? The "Chris Christie" piles everything on the menu into a giant slop of food on your plate for you to tuck into.
What's at the Kid's Table
THE "RICK PERRY": Texas-style barbecue brisket served with a Lone Star.
THE "RICK SANTORUM": We can't actually print what this is, but we don't recommend you order it.
THE "BOBBY JINDAL": Duck and andouille sausage gumbo, which we're sure gets the Duck Dynasty seal of approval.
THE "CARLY FIORINA": Chile con queso. The queso floats down to your table assisted by a "golden parachute."
THE "LINDSEY GRAHAM": Shrimp and grits. You'll have to reach across the table to get this one though.
THE "GEORGE PATAKI": New York-style pizza, of course. Available only at the Peekskill farmer's market.
THE "JIM GILMORE": Pizza Hut and Miller Genuine Draft. No really.
BONUS: THE "GUANTANAMO SPECIAL": It’s just like the "Chris Christie", only it’s been pureed and you’ll have to be force-fed through your rectum.
Hungry yet?
The Republican primary presidential debate will be hosted by Fox News. The main debate will be broadcast live from Cleveland at 9 PM Eastern Standard Time on FOX News Channel, and streamed live on FOXNews.com and on the Fox News app.
This featurette was originally published on Hopes & Fears.